“Fear clings. Love lets go.” -Deepak Chopra
“Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” -Carrie Bradshaw
Love over fear. Letting go. What do those words even mean?
To me, love over fear is letting go. Every day, in every decision we make, in the way we live our lives, almost 100% comes down to love or fear. And part of that is being brave enough to ask yourself if you are living your life out of love or fear. Love for yourself, love for your own voice and love for your passions. Every time you choose love over fear, you are letting go of some part of you that says you can’t.
I look back on my life over the past couple years and where I am now. As I have said many times before, I don’t live a “normal” life anymore. Most days I wake up when my body wakes up, not when an alarm says I have to. I rarely know what day of the month, let alone the week it is. I’m usually traveling somewhere every other month, but I don’t own a car. I live in a 5000 sq foot house that isn’t mine with 2 grown men. I don’t watch the news or weather (I like to believe I create my own weather!), I don’t work to live, I have somewhat of a shoe obsession and I rarely worry about money. I go to workshops where we stay up all night meditating and lucid dreaming. I meditate most days at home, but don’t beat myself up if I miss days. Some could look at this way of living as crazy. But guess what? I don’t have to live a normal life anymore! I always wanted to not have to hear the sound of an alarm every morning. I don’t have to work at a job I hate 5 days of the week hoping to be able to retire “someday”. I don’t have a car payment or insurance!! I get to live in a beautiful house with a beautiful park in my back yard with a man I love more than words will ever be able to say and another man that has become my family. Not by blood, but by choice. My work is my passion and when I see how much I can help change some one’s life, it fills me beyond words. The workshops I go to are like coming home. The people I have met are my soul mates. We drink and dance and laugh and love and get 3 hours of sleep and are back up and ready to go at it again. We HEAL bodies. We let go of fear and welcome love into our lives. And then we bring that love back to our daily lives. I believe my waking hours should be a meditation just as much as when I meditate, so I let go of having to be stringent with anything in my life. I believe money should flow through you. Not get to you and then stop. So, I remind myself of that if those fears do come up and then I buy something!
But there is no difference between me and anyone else in this world. Everyone has the ability to live a life of freedom. To follow their passions. To travel around the world. To find their “perfect partner”. To not have to wake up to an alarm clock every morning. All it takes is choosing love over fear. Letting go.
When I was terrified to tell my then husband I was going to a meditation retreat by myself but did it anyway, I chose love over fear. I let go of believing I have no control over my life, even if it was slightly. When I was going into a walking meditation that would forever change my life, surrounded by 800 other people, I chose love for myself over fear of what everyone around me may think. I chose to let go of the need to have people accept me. When I fell in love with a man I had just met that lived across the country and had just left a 25-year marriage, I chose love over fear, even when everyone around me was telling me it was wrong. That I was wrong. I chose to let go of my past beliefs and experiences that tried to tell me this kind of love isn’t real. When I started a coaching business, I definitely had to choose love over fear, even in moments when I completely doubted myself and my abilities. But I chose to let go of the belief that I needed some kind of proper education or certificate or training. I chose to believe in myself and that my story could help someone. And when I sat in a car and read court documents that stated I was a danger to my son and a drug addict and unstable and that the only time I would be able to see him was in therapy sessions, I was forced to choose love over fear. To believe that just because it seemed impossible in that moment, love would win in the end. Never fear. To let go of the belief that I am a victim instead of a creator.
But the me that has all those things now, that lives a life of freedom, isn’t the same person that was afraid to tell her husband she was going to a meditation retreat. Not even in the slightest bit. I had to become a different person in the process. I had to let go of those old parts of Emily that weren’t serving me or anyone else for that matter. So the person that is wondering why their millions hasn’t showed up yet is not the same person as someone who KNOWS they already are a millionaire. That all they have to do is create it and then let go of any beliefs that may hold them back.
Many people want their millions but aren’t willing to let go of the belief that money is hard to come by. That it only happens to other people but not them. They aren’t willing to take the leap into the unknown and do something different. To believe in the possibility that magical things happen for them. They hold on to what they have and who they think they are so tight, they cut off the circulation.
You see, we all do this with everything we want in life. We hold so tightly, we end up doing the opposite of what we want. Letting go is one of the HARDEST things to do in this work and in life. Because it requires you to trust in something you can’t see. To continue to look within instead of without. As a great teacher once said, there is no out there out there; there is only in here. When you hold on to something or someone or some outcome so tightly, all you are doing is telling the universe or God or spirit or whatever word you conform to that you don’t believe it will come. That you are separate from it and you won’t be happy until you get it. But it’s exactly in the letting go that everything we desire comes. We have all experienced this at some point in our lives whether you are aware of it or not. When you let go of wanting a job promotion and chose to be happy regardless of the outcome. Then the next day you get the call you got the promotion. When you thought you needed a certain relationship to be happy, but finally decided to let go of that person, and they came back wanting you even more. When you bought a lotto ticket but forgot all about it only to find it later with no expectations and you win.
Now, I can tell people this over and over, but there really is no teaching this. There is only doing. It isn’t luck. I don’t believe in luck. It doesn’t come from hoping it will happen. Hope is a beggar. It doesn’t come from praying…..at least in the strict religious form of the word praying. It comes from actually letting go, over and over and over again. To create and then to trust in something that you may not be able to see yet. To consistently go within and look at the parts of yourself that you need to let go of to allow something greater to come in. To let go of years and years of beliefs and conditioning including believing in everything else but your own power. To realize most things in your life are just placebos. Most people don’t want to do this though because it would mean they can no longer be a victim. That they may not be able to control the outcome, even if it may be the greatest thing that has ever happened to them.
I didn’t get to the life I live now by continuing to do the same thing or by continuing to live in fear. In fact, the more I lived the way everyone told me I was supposed to, the more fear I constantly felt. I had to choose to do something differently. To be willing to let go in all forms of that word. To quit holding on to controlling what may or may not happen. You want the secret to success, to enlightenment, to happiness? Let go of the belief you don’t already have it. Let go of fear. Choose love. Choose to follow your heart. Choose to take a leap into the unknown. Choose to believe you have everything you need in any given moment. Choose to believe in yourself and that nothing outside of you can change the inside of you. Choose to quite your mind when all it wants to do is stay noisy. Choose to imagine and day dream about your future and feel freedom at any time during the day, just because you can.
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t an easy thing to do. But I know I am living proof that it is always worth the effort. Even in those darkest hours, you will always get a sign. Those little breadcrumbs that show you you are on the right path. You will always get what you need in the moments you need it the most. If you continue to believe in yourself and learn to surrender and not let the fear completely take over, you will always be rewarded. It’s in the letting go and trusting that your real freedom comes. I promise you, if you take the leap, the unknown will never let you down…….