Confession #13……

So I had planned on writing the first post (after over a month of not writing at all!) all about our Supernatural Tour and how amazing it was and everything I learned from it. And I will. But not today. Today it only seems fitting that I talk about what this day really means to me…..how amazingly thankful and acceptful (that ones for you Simon!) I am for every single thing in my life. Good and bad. Which to be completely honest, there isn’t much bad in my life anymore. In fact, I really don’t believe in “bad” anymore. Anything that is uncomfortable or unpleasant is just there for me to learn. My teachers. So, I am grateful for those too today.

I want to start off by saying that looking back to a year ago, or even two years ago, I could never have imagined my life could be where it is now. I mean seriously, not even in my wildest dreams. I am literally sitting at an airport, on Thanksgiving, having a bloody Mary and tacos, by myself, and yet feel so completely full and whole and surrounded by love and family and happiness. And do you know how many times on many Thanksgivings I sat in a house surrounded by a ton of people and eating turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and yet felt so completely alone.

So today it’s not about the things in my life that I am thankful for. It’s the feelings. The feelings of knowing that I am surrounded by people that truly love me. Not for the person they need me be to be for them, but for the person, or essence, I really am inside. And for the future me I strive to be. The feeling of knowing even though I don’t get to spend today with my kids, and there are many more days then not now that I don’t get to spend with them, we are closer than we ever have been. They get the best version of me and therefore I get the best version of them. They teach me how to grow. I am thankful for the feeling of complete and udder laughter we share when we are together…..a laughter we didn’t have much of before. I am thankful I get to have conversations with them about creating your reality and not being a victim but a creator and choosing to be happy regardless of what others do or say to you. And even more thankful they are brave enough to have those same conversations with their friends, even when it may be uncomfortable!

I am also thankful for the feeling of complete connection when opening texts from friends (or as I call them, chosen family) and seeing the simple words of I love you. And knowing it comes from their soul and not from obligation. I’m thankful for the feeling I get from the words, I am proud of you….and coming from the person I needed to hear it from the most!

I am even more thankful today for the feeling of knowing I get to fly back to the person I created. The perfect person, soul, for me. Just knowing that I get to have that person is overwhelming to me at times. There are too many feelings to even describe when it comes to him and our connection. In fact, there aren’t even words to describe some of the feelings. It’s that thin line between how did this happen to me and knowing I deserve him.

Which brings me to my last point. I am the most grateful today for me. That I can sit in an airport, alone, with my tacos and bloody Mary and feel so damn grateful. That I was brave enough to ask the question, is there more? That I can stare fear and judgement in the face and not give in to it. That I choose love over fear. And that even when I don’t, I want the fear again to get better the next time. I am thankful my soul woke me up. That I can see that every single experience in my life had and has purpose. I’m thankful for the feeling that I get to create my reality! I am thankful for all my imperfections because those are what continue to allow me to grow and stay in this 3D reality.

You see, I don’t believe in luck. I know I didn’t get to the place or with the person I am now from luck. I took several huge leaps into the unknown. I went to the dark places inside of me. I let go of many life long beliefs that held me back from my own greatness. I let go of people. I had many dark nights of the soul and sometimes still do….although they are more of moments now when they do come instead of nights. I went and still do go against tradition or the “norm” or convention.

I was in a much different place as far as feelings go two years ago. And because of all those scary things I did, I am thankful to me for doing them. For getting to have the feelings I do today. Is it always easy and rainbows and sunshine? No, most definitely not. But it is always worth it.

And that’s what being thankful means to me. That you accept the contrast, for its what makes you thankful for all the good in your life! If I didn’t have the contrast, I wouldn’t be able to know how amazing my life is now. And the people in it. Cause at the end of the day, THAT’S what life is to me. I could see all the beautiful places in the world. Have every “thing” imaginable to man. But it’s the people with me that make it all worthwhile, including myself. The person I am proud to be. The person I am proud to be a partner to. The person I am proud to be a friend to, a family member to. A mom to.

Today, I am acceptful and thankful of EVERY SINGLE THING in my life up to this moment and every moment after. Isn’t that why we came to this existence? To experience it all? To grow from it all? To evolve and to truly experience real Joy?

That’s my choice for today. And even on the days where I fall from grace. I am thankful for those days too……

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