On a recent flight I was on I watched the movie, The Breakfast club. I haven’t seen this movie in YEARS but of course it was no accident. While watching the movie, I was reminded of the angst of every single one of the actors. The angst of fitting in, of living in the high school bubble, but more importantly, the angst of being accepted and approved by the two most important people in our life. Our parents.
This was predicated by my own uncovering and realization about my own parents just days before.
Here is where I am going to get very open and vulnerable…..
I was on a cruise in the Mediterranean sea. Most definitely a dream come true for me, and yet at the same time it felt some how distorted. Like all those years of build up and I was finally there and yet I found myself saying, so this is it? Not in an ungrateful way, but in a way of realizing I had given my power away to so many places, thinking that’s what was going to bring me happiness. And realizing that wasn’t true. That was lesson number one.
Now, if I told you the whole story, you might look at me and say, “really, THAT’S what you got so upset by”. So I’m not going to go into the story as that is not what matters. What matters is the result.
The ending of the story is what brought about lesson two. In the moments following what I had seen in my own warped mind as a rejection, as a “punishing”, as a dismissiveness, I was devasted. I felt hurt, sad, betrayed almost. By someone I had looked up to, learned from, and aspired to be more like. Scott described it so perfectly…….it’s like thinking you are dating this awesome person and that they only have eyes for you, and then you find out he’s actually dating a whole bunch of other women and easily forgets your name. THAT’S what it felt like.
In the midst of those emotions, I could not see past them. I was wrapped up so completely in them, I was ready to throw everything I had learned from this person away. It didn’t feel as though it was happening for me, as you so often hear me say. It felt like it was happening to me. And it didn’t feel so great.
Until the next day. Until I got out of the situation, physically at first. Meaning I walked out of the “bubble” I had been in for the previous 10 days. And then I did what I know will always pull me out of these emotions. The same thing I teach others to do. I got some perspective on it. Not from me….I was too wrapped up and couldn’t see the forest beyond the trees. But from someone I trust and respect and love and KNOW will tell me the truth, even when I don’t want to see it. And he didn’t even have to say much. It was more of a look as I was telling him my story of woe. A look like, really? This is the story you are going to tell?
That was the start of it. It was enough to form a crack in the story I had been telling myself about what had just happened.
I then got in the shower and for some reason when I am in the shower, all my downloads, ideas, and realizations easily flow to me (I KNOW there are others of you out there like me!). And it was as if a sledge hammer hit me across the head. As though someone pulled away the curtain and I saw behind the scenes. I saw the whole forest!!
It hit me like a tons of bricks exactly what had just happened. And when I tell you it was the most freeing feeling, that is a complete understatement.
I saw how much of my power I had given this person in this little story of mine. And that I was totally oblivious to it!! I clearly saw how I needed some sort of recognition or acceptance or ultimately, love from this person. That obviously I hadn’t had enough in myself, I was still looking to an outside source for that. And even bigger than that? I realized these feelings were EXACTLY the same feelings I had growing up. The feelings I had had about my dad. The feeling of needing his approval, his acceptance, and ultimately his love. This whole situation had completely manifested for that very moment. To open my eyes to a very big blind spot I had. And if it wouldn’t have happened, that blind spot would still be there, continuing to manifest in all sorts of stories. Continuing to hold me back from the women I aspire to become.
In watching the movie, The Breakfast Club, I was reminded once again how much power we give away. We give it away to people, to places, and to things. You hear it all the time, but it is the God’s honest truth. NOTHING on the outside will make you happy. At least not a lasting happy. You may have moments of bliss, but they will be ever fading. And when we rely on those things to be the source of our happiness, and give them all of our power, our self worth, we give them the power to take it away. And this includes our parents.
We have worked with enough people in The Freedom Project now, to tell you almost all limiting beliefs, thoughts, emotions and feelings we have as an adult, will almost always go back to your parents. Wanting and needing to be heard by them, to be accepted by them, to be loved by them.
If we don’t reach a certain point in our lives and demand of ourselves to fully embody who we are, to fully and completely accept ourselves for who we are, and the big one…..to truly TRULY love ourselves unconditionally for who we are, in all our beautiful faults, we will always give our power away to someone outside of us.
My question to you is, what can you find as your gift today? What has happened in your life recently that you have made into some story that you can’t escape enough away from it, to see it for the gift it is? Well, I invite you to turn the story on it’s ass and take your freaking power back!